Bob 'Krueger' Katter is waiting for Julia to fall asleep

Key independent MP Bob Katter has announced he will back the Coalition in a minority government.

Mr Katter stated "Tony surprised me with an all-nighter that stopped me attacking him through his dreams...".

"I waited until the Labor government were asleep and then I struck." Mr Katter told reporters in Canberra.

"My colleagues ... they are still in discussions.  Or are they?"

Bob Katter backs the Coalition

[ UPDATE:  Bob backed the wrong horse and Julia Gillard is now Australia's PM.  Better luck next time Bobby boy ]

"If you smoke a pack of cigarettes, that means you are giving more to help solve social problems such as boosting demographics, stopping obesity, developing other social services and upholding birth rates," Mr Kudrin said, quoted by the Interfax news agency.

"People should understand: Those who drink are super cool and will possibly be sought after to appear in commercials" he said, offering unconventional advice as the Russian government announced plans to raise excise duty on alcohol and cigarettes.

Russian cigarettes are dirt cheap.  40 roubles or $1.30 a pack.   Vodka is made in every available bath-tub, which creates for interesting hygiene and interesting vodka.

Russian diplomats talk about domestic violence issues

Alcohol abuse kills around 500,000 Russians annually and greatly impacts male life expectancy, which is lower than in such developing countries as Bangladesh and Honduras, according to official figures.  Alexi Kudrin believes that this is an exaggeration and the figure for alcohol related deaths is nearer to 450,000.

Russians told to light up and knock 'em back

Yesterday the state's Ports Minister Paul McLeay resigned after admitting he had used a parliamentary computer to access adult and gambling sites.  It's been said that Paul McLeary is covering up for Rev Nile and his former house-keeper has come forward with startling Revelations.

"Sometimes Freddie isn't always in control of his actions.  It's his penis you see.  It forces situations to arise and there's always a cover up when he's discovered".

The Daily Telegraph reports a parliamentary internet audit shows that Reverend Nile's computer has been used to access internet pornography.

Rev Fred Nile indicates his penis is asleep

Rev Nile has told the Telegraph his "staff" accessed the sites for "research purposes".

"It wasn't a one-off." Paul McLeary  said.

"I know the community expects more of its ministers and our MPs, and that's why I am personally humiliated and embarrassed.

"But I accept that it's wrong..."

Fred Nile denies "perving" at internet porn

Federal police caught Valdez, a leader of the Beltran Leyva gang based in central Mexico, in a house in a residential area on the edge of the state of Morelos, near Mexico City, a police spokesman said.

He said Valdez put up little resistance because he was doing his nails at the time.

The attorney-general's office also confirmed the US-born smuggler - nicknamed "La Barbie" because of botched plastic surgery - was caught alive and in high spirits.  "We usually shoot them in secret but sometimes one slips through the death-net".

"It seemed strange that he'd be so happy at a time like this, we couldn't wipe the smile off of his face" One policeman said.  "We tried everything.  In the end we just left the goofy crime-lord in a cell where he promptly started combing imaginary hair".

But Valdez's capture may be seen as an even bigger win for Mr Calderon as Valdez could be extradited to the United States, where he has a $2 million Bounty on his head.  The biggest Bounty chocolate bar ever created.

Al Capone sets a trend and a world record!

"It's a key to success. What is very good is that they didn't kill him. That makes a big difference.  Guinness won't recognise the achievement if he's dead.  It's one thing to have a gigantic chocolate bar sitting on a major drug traffickers deceased head but my god, having a live one is going to be an event." independent security analyst Alberto Islas said of Valdez's arrest and future record attempt.

Mexico arrests drug kingpin 'La Barbie'

We got a new PM, Tony Abott pulled an all-nighter and the Election 2010 resulted in a hung parliament.   Lot's of other cool stuff happened too but we were asleep.

We're awake now, so expect more up-to-date "reporting" from now on

It's going to be a close competition with both leaders enjoying immense popularity that has no chance of waning.  We'll keep you updated as more news trickles in.

Election 2010 Well Hung

Independents look likely to rake it in

At first this seems like he's using a scary alias to be a bastard but when you look at his website there seems to be more to Senator Heffernan.

Some speculate that Bill is not a bastard.  It's been known for a while that old Bill is addicted to Second Life, an online virtual world where you can live out your fantasies.  Bill's been lording around a virtual Australia as the Devil logging hundreds of hours in late night sessions fueled by red bull, doritos and a delusion of grandeur.   It seems he sometimes gets confused between the virtual world and the real world and it's on these occasions that he does something stupid.

Next time Bill brags about haxorizing your noob arse, you'll know which Bill you're talking to.

Bill Heffernan is the devil

Quantas staff pick up thumb tacks from the tarmac early yesterday morning.

Witnesses saw flames and sparks and heard a loud noise "like cannon fire" as two nose-wheel tyres on a Qantas A380 burst on landing at Sydney Airport last night.

Passenger Frances Ang says there was a very heavy bump and a loud bang shortly after the plane touched down.

"Someone was watching the plane from the sky cam and we saw there were some sparks coming out from underneath the plane," she said. "Then we saw there was some kind of small explosions like bursts of fire."

Ms Ang says the passengers were kept on board for two hours while fire crews dealt with the emergency and ground engineers started assessing the damage.

The plane's pilot, Gary Cooper, recalls the shock of the incident.

"I thought 'bloody hell, what's that?'  Actually, I think I swore out loud.  I thought something was seriously wrong till I looked over at my co-pilot Wayne.  He was giggling, he could barely contain himself.  Then I realised, he'd hit me with an April's Fool!"

"I could see thumb tacks scattered on the runway.  There was quite a number laying on the tarmac there, I'd say at least a whole packet was emptied."

Wayne Stilton confirmed the prank, saying he'd been planning it for at least six months.

"Yeah, I'd been thinking of it for a while.  It took some logistics to plan, but we pulled it off in the end!"

Qantas says none of the 244 passengers were hurt in the incident on flight QF380 from London via Singapore.

"Wayne, he's such a joker!"  was Mr Cooper's final comment.

Tyres explode on Quantas jet

A band of typical gypsies.

One of Romania's most powerful criminals has warned his country must do something to stop the wave of Gypsy child crime that is sweeping Europe or face a backlash against Romanians.

Simply known as Breliant, he freely boasts a pedigree rich in thieves. But in a recent interview  he explained that unless gangs run by his countrymen stop using children to rob and steal, the Romanian Gypsies will be driven out of other EU countries.

"Over the last 20 years I've seen the anti-Gypsy feeling getting stronger, not only in Romania but across Europe," he said.

"I've also seen Gypsy petty crime turn into serious crime, into international organised crime."

The Gypsy Union of Romania has responded in a public statement saying it's simply a matter of business expansion.

"The more criminals there are stealing and pick pocketing the public, the more choice the public have as to whom they want to rob them.  It would be unfair business practice for Breliant to have a monopoly over all criminal activity.  We would suggest he is raising these 'concerns' because he realises that the Gypsies present real competition."

Any tourist in Europe knows the threat of street crime is a major problem. Some people are targeted by pickpockets while others are harassed at cash teller machines.

Breliant runs a successful crime syndicate that takes in these petty crimes as well as a more serious bootlegging operations including the black market selling of false legs and imitation designer boots.  Of the increasing number of underage Gypsy criminals he says,

"It is simply a market ploy, a gimmick by the Gypsy Union.  Everybody thinks children are cute and the Gypsies are simply exploiting this fact.  Who wouldn't prefer to be pick pocketed by a cheeky kid rather than an abrasive adult?  If they are not careful, I will take the matter to Consumer Affairs.  Then we will see who the rightful robbers are."

Gypsy child crime wave grips Europe

Tony Abbot is Iron Man

Create your own images of Tony Abbot as Iron Man and we'll add them to this post!  Send them to:  ironman [at] pollyrofl.com

Here we go, our first submission to pollyROFL.com!  Thanks Skink!

Abbott Iron Man - by SKINK