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Virile tiger tales

Medicines and lotions made from tigers

A zoo in northeastern China has been shut after a spate of Siberian tiger deaths, tigers that may have been targeted to make a virility tonic.  The Beijing News quoted an unnamed zoo official saying between 40 and 50 tigers may have died at the privately operated zoo since 2000 and that it was an "open secret" that the zoo was producing tiger-bone liquor.  It has also been reported that "tiger parts" have made it into popular tween cosmetics known as "lip-smackers" and sinew used to string the bows of the China Philharmonic Orchestra string section.

Tiger parts, such as penises and bones, have long been used in traditional Chinese medicine to increase sexual potency or treat certain illnesses.  Wu Xi, one of the managers of the Shenyang Forest Wild Animal Zoo, said "The polio which was growing inside my nose cartilage was all but cured just by giving a tiger a nice big cuddle."

Large vats of tiger-bone liquor have been secretly produced at the zoo since 2005 and were given to high-level officials of the provincial forestry, parks, and police bureaux.  The zoo's gift shoppe has been selling a liquor called "Tiger in a jar" and subsequently re-labeled  "Mother Nature's Natural Miracle Oil" after a reporter asked if it contained tiger parts.

The owner of the Shenyang zoo in his humble office

The owner of the Shenyang zoo [pictured] denies that any tigers were killed on purpose or even accidentally on purpose.  When pushed to explain the deaths he retorted with virility, "It's crazy to think that I would ever get caught harming a living creature.  I checked my I.Q. on facebook and the page exploded from processing too many correct answers.  So you see, I could not possibly have done this thing that you say that I may have done."

Sir Bob Geldof was unavailable for comment but a representative let us know he's on the case.

China zoo shut amid tiger parts harvest allegation

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Peanut Cup is the creator and designer of pollyROFL.com. He's usually stuck behind a partition, chipping away at corporate micro-sites but decided to give this blog writing thing a good hard crack to alleviate the pressure building behind his glassy eyes.